“A Dudely Papaw”

A new generation of writers is emerging in the Bales family. The lead writer is my grandbaby, 14 year-old Megan Bales. She has mesmerizing blue eyes and an arresting wit.  About 3 years ago and fascinated by hearing her talk about things of interest to her age group, I realized that I was out of touch with her peer group.  So I asked her what I needed to do to become more youthful. She said, “Buy some jeans and start saying 'dude' more often.” Ever since, I have been working at being more dudely. Last week she and I had a flurry of email exchanges. Here are a few snippets from the exchange.

Megan: “Hey Papaw! I was just sitting here bored to salty tears and thought about writing you a not-so-handwritten sentiment. :) I hope you're having a fantastic evening, and that you're feeling better. When my Mom told me you went to the hospital, at first there was that feeling of shock and fear. But then about two seconds later I remembered you could kick any illness's metaphorical “booty.” Haha.  Well luckily it wasn't too serious and you got to go home quickly.”

Me:  “Hey Megan! I'm glad you dubbed me a 'metaphorical booty kicker.'   The only time I ever had an editor censor a word in one of my columns was once when I used the more literal term for 'booty.' :)  I can now use this new term and retain my place in polite society. Also, you are the first person to write me and include emoticons in your letter.  Before this, I didn't even know what an emoticon was.  (A typed symbol that conveys emotion. Example: :).  Looks like a smiley face tilted to the left as if winking.”

Megan: “Awww! I'm so glad to have amused you!  You don't know how perfect it was to read your reply at the moment I did. You see, about two seconds ago Caity (Megan's older sister) and I were yelling and fighting about something totally stupid, insignificant, and forgettable.  In fact I'm not even sure as to why I was spending my ever loving breath on it.  Anyways, I was sitting at my computer, red-faced and huffy when all of a sudden that catchy little “You've got mail!” animation popped up.  My expression eased into a smile, as I read your message.  And by the end of it, I had totally forgotten about ol' what's-her-name. Don't get me wrong.  I love my sister, but she can be a real 'expletive' sometimes. :)  But, of course, nobody in this family can see that. I once told Caroline (Megan's aunt) that, and she looked at me like I was Boo Radley (See To Kill a Mockingbird) out from the basement!  Everyone thinks she's a precious angel, and I'm the troubled one.  Pshh. That's ridiculous.

“And on that note…I would like to address your dudely studies. Now, at first I wasn't worried.  But now, I'm beginning to shake and pee a little like those Mexican Chihuahuas do. I really think you need to step up to the dude plate and really swing! Hit that home run to win the dude World Series!  Alright I think I've taken that baseball analogy a bit too far…haha. Well, what I'm trying to say is you've been slacking off a bit and it's hurting you dude-wise. Come on! Step it up!  I think I'll have to make you an inspirational poster or something….  Love ya Papaw!”

What's not to love about a 14-year-old grandbaby like Megan? She said in another email that she likes to say to her friends: “Hey guys, wanna see my mega-culio Papaw?” (Culio is an old rapper.)  “And then I just show them your website! Haha.  They are all so impressed!  Most of their papaws just sit around in the basement looking at war stuff and bootleggin' moonshine. :)  You're so much cooler than them.”

Footnote:  Megan gave me permission to show y'all this.  Maybe, I'll need to give Caity equal time. :)

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