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"It Happened at Church"
Some of the funniest things happen at church. Last week I was with a bunch of my relatives and we began to tell tales about funny things that have happened at church. My favorite Baptist preacher and I were swapping yarns. His name is R.C. Harless and he is my uncle. He lives near Knoxville over in Tennessee. He's 80 years old now and mostly retired. His daughter Denise asked, "Did Daddy ever tell you about his first church?" Then she began the saga. In her Daddy's first church there was a woman who had a big bunch of children. She sat with her children on the front pew. Always there were some nursing babies. And this mama fed them the old-fashioned, natural way. It was common back in those days. Then it fell out of fashion for a while and has experienced resurgence in more recent times. Anyhow, that's how she did it, and sometimes she did it while Daddy was preaching.
Denise brushed her hand across her neck, just under her chin and said, "When that mother started to nurse her baby, Daddy's neck began to get red right here. Then his face reddened. Then his eyes began to move upward." We family members began laughing as the word picture began to emerge. The Reverend Daddy sat, quietly smiling serenely as his daughter continued. "Sometimes the mother nursed two babies at the same time. His eyes went higher and higher. Sometimes, the babies became full and content and lost interest. But mama never noticed."
At that point another daughter, Becky, chimed in and said, "That's when Daddy's eyes crossed!" The reminiscences were pretty much over at that point. We all exploded into gales of laughter.
There was an old song, popular in rural, southern churches in the mid-twentieth century, Gimme that Old-Time Religion. I don't know whether incidents like this inspired the songwriter or not. Lots of funny things happen on the front pew where the rest of the congregation can't see what's going on. However, those things can certainly challenge the concentration of the preacher!
Sometimes the concentration of the congregation is challenged and the preacher is unaware of what is clear to everyone else. Once, somebody shot out a little piece of the stained glass window in a church where I was the minister. We learned about the small hole when a bird flew through it into the 11:00 o'clock service. The congregation saw it first. The bird began to circle above my head as I preached. I was oblivious to it. Soon the congregation could not maintain its composure. Some attendees baffled me by giggling for no reason apparent to me. Others maintained sober faces but their eyes betrayed their distraction. Older folk were horrified that the bird might descend to land on the most inviting landing field--my reverent, bald head. The young folk were hoping the bird would dive-bomb my gleaming target. Or better yet, fire a liquid shot right inside my halo. In a few seconds I spotted the foul, fowl intruder and held a hymnal over my endangered pate. The book was open to my least-favorite hymn. The benediction came early that day.
I tell y'all this to encourage you to attend church on Sunday. There are many important spiritual reasons to do this. Also, something really funny may happen there too. It's rare, but these things are gifts of God too. Why? Only God knows.
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