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“Sports: Sex, Steroids and Heckling”
You regular readers of this conscientious communiqué know how I like to comment on timely topics. Sometimes things happen in such flurries, I can't keep up since this is only a weekly clarion. So today, before plunging off into the new year, I want to take a quick glance into the rear-view mirror and make a few comments on recent developments from the world of sports. First, a few observations about golfer Tiger Woods. Everyone knows about Tiger's sexual infidelities. One lingering question is regarding the number of suitors. I figure one is more than enough. He, of course, is not the first person to venture across the line. I took exception when I read in the Bible about how the matriarch Sarah hooked up with the king of Egypt with the approval of her husband Abraham. There's an explanation for that saga but still I think it's a pretty lame one. Then there was a truly sordid tale about David and Bathsheba. It even included what was virtual murder. But the chip off David, the old block, his son Solomon, took things to the ultimate level. That guy went so far over the line with his 700 wives and 300 concubines that, well, what can you say except, “King, sir, I know you are reputed to be a wise man, but I want to object!”
Sex in the Bible or in Tiger's spare time--well, I'm too tired to even think about it anymore. I suppose those who are titillated by tales of this sort might find Bible reading more interesting than they first suspected. I may be an odd duck but I figure one sexual partner at a time ought to be enough.
Rumors and suspicion that Tiger might have used performance-enhancing steroids have been swirling too. It is reported that his physician administers such things to some athletes. I wouldn't want to assume anything here. Tiger has had serious injuries and surgery recently and maybe his healing required such substances. Sometimes you are unaware what you are receiving when you take a pill. I have a little rash on my left arm. My doctor assured me it is not serious and gave me some ointment to make it go away. A few days after beginning to apply it, I read the fine print and discovered it has steroids in it. I don't know whether y'all have noticed any enhancement in my performance. Hope so!
I turn now to the little dustup over coach Roy Williams having a fan of Presbyterian College tossed out of the basketball gym during a game with UNC, Chapel Hill. The fan was apparently heckling the home team Tarheels. I don't want to get in the middle of this spat, however, we all know how rowdy and brave Presbyterians can get! Especially when they are outnumbered about 20,000 to one. Some folk, because of their jobs, need to be prepared to get a little good-natured heckling. I've been heckled a couple of times while preaching. It didn't bother me much. I'm always grateful when folk are awake enough to get agitated.
Once a man came to me a few minutes before I was to preach. He asked to have a word with me so I ushered him into my office and offered him a seat. “What can I do for you?” I asked. He said, “God told me to come here and tell you what to preach today.” I inquired as to what God had told him. He proceeded to read me a list of 12 points for me to say in my sermon. Then he said he would be sitting on the front pew and if I did not do this, he would take over and do it himself. Well, y'all know me. I'm usually an accommodating fellow. However, I took exception to his threat to heckle me. I said, “Sir, I also heard from God about what I should say today and God didn't mention your points to me. You are welcome to sit anywhere you wish. You are free to listen, sing and pray. But if you want to preach, you are going to have to get your own church!” He sat on the front pew that day, was a perfect gentleman, and didn't utter a peep. I wouldn't have thrown him out even if he were a rowdy Presbyterian
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