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“The Pilfered Jesus”
The news out of Bessemer City, NC the other day was that somebody stole the baby Jesus out of a Nativity display in town there. This happens every year in the Christmas season somewhere in this the land of the free and brave. It takes a lot of courage for some folk to swipe a doll out of a manger. As a practical joke, this kind of caper ranks right along there with sneaking a goldfish into the baptismal font. When the culprit brags about the daring exploit to his or her pals the report is likely met with quizzical looks instead of guffaws. That is unless the pals are drunker than the pilferer.
Now, a lot of devout folk will get really upset about this. This does come, after all at a time when Christians remember the visit of the Wise Men bringing gifts to the manger. And now some wise guy messes with the manger. It does violate most adult sensibilities. Plus, it's naturally offensive and disrespectful to the faith of many. On top of all this, it's a misdemeanor in most places. However, I don't get overly exercised about such stunts. I reckon something like this doesn't even register on the divine Richter Scale of silly insults. God has a better sense of humor than this. Besides, it's been done so many times before that it's become a pretty boring gag.
The incident has, I admit, caused me to stop and ponder a bit. What does a pilferer do after he gets over the initial exhilaration of his little larceny? What does one do with a stolen statuette of the baby Jesus? So long as the authorities are searching for the scoundrel, he would have to be an idiot to put it on his mantle over the fireplace. One of his brilliant pals would probably rat him out to the law. Of course, maybe his big ambition is to gain fame as an item on the list of “Dumb Crooks.” The baby Jesus is probably too big to hang from the rearview mirror of his hotrod. Maybe he will become overcome with guilt and sneak the baby Jesus back into the manger in time for Christmas. That would be a lovely gesture but it is unlikely to happen. It seems to me that it would be a miserable thing to have a hot Jesus on your hands. If you tried to hock it, any self-respecting pawnbroker would laugh you right off his premises. Hide it under your bed and you might never get a good night's sleep again. It could become like an albatross for the poor, hapless feller.
The more I think about him, the sorrier I feel for him. I think I'd like to put my arm around his shoulder and say, “Hey buddy, I'd like to relieve you of the burden of that little, pilfered baby Jesus. The truth is he's not going to do you a bit of good anyway. As you grow up you will not take any joy or pleasure in remembering this. Let me take it off your hands and conscience and I'll return it to the manger.”
Just to close the deal, I'd tell him how when I was a boy, I and some of my pals turned over every outhouse in our neighborhood one Halloween. We were so dumb we even turned over the ones at our own homes! But the next day our dads made us return all of them to their upright positions. “Now, buddy, that joke was a real hoot! I laugh about it even now that I'm an old man. But, believe me, you don't want this baby Jesus hanging around.”
Then I'd ask him, “Why would you want to steal a fake Jesus anyway when you can have the real one free? It is Christmas after all!
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