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“The Pompous Preacher”
It’s as cold as whiz today. And there are snow flurries in the higher elevations, as the breathless weather people call the mountains. They are predicting rain and snow down here in the lower elevation by mid-week. Of course some of y’all have lots of snow where you live. I have to remember that many of you who read this divine column live outside Dixie. In fact, some of you won’t thaw out until August--just in time for next winter.
A while back I telephoned my friends Sandi and Stan Holt up in Asheville. They had just had their electricity restored. It had been knocked out because of a snowstorm. Sandi told me how their grandson had been snowed in with them. While the power was out they tried to light the house with candles. However, little Nathan kept going around singing “Happy Birthday” and blowing out the candles.
Stan told me about the lady who, upon being told by her pastor that he was moving to another parish, began to weep uncontrollably. Finally she paused to take a breath and he said, “Now, now, don’t cry. I know you don’t want to see me leave, but I’m sure your new pastor will be a wonderful preacher and a fine person. You will soon come to love him as you have loved me.”
The mournful weeper wailed, “We’ve had five ministers since I’ve been a member of this church and every new one has been worse than the last!”
This reminds me of the story about the minister who showed up for his first sermon to the congregation that had called him to be their new pastor. He threw back his shoulders and announced in a pompous and instantly annoying voice, “My dear, dear friends, it gives me great pleasure to announce to you that the Lord Jesus, in his infinite wisdom, has seen fit to send me here to be your pastor.”
Over the next few weeks and months, this pastor succeeded in revealing what an arrogant and irritating twit he truly was. Weeks turned into months of frustration and the members of the congregation resigning themselves to their ill fortune, winced and bore it. Then, one Sunday, the pastor announced to the congregation, “My dear, dear friends, a year ago the Lord Jesus, in his infinite wisdom, saw fit to send me here to be your pastor.” Then, adding a dramatic tremor to his voice while elevating his pompous posture, he said, “Now the Lord Jesus has seen fit to call me to be the pastor at another congregation.”
The congregation, upon this announcement, spontaneously rose and with one voice began singing, “What a Friend We Have in Jesus”!
I love ministers. Even if I weren’t one--I’m a United Methodist minister--I would still love and admire ministers. Of course all of us parsons have our shortcomings. Usually we are at least as aware of our foibles as our parishioners are aware of them. Hence, it is usually unwise to put pastors on pedestals. But mostly we are dedicated and sincere. I’ve been a minister thirty-seven years and I think it is harder now than ever before to be one. I hope you’ve got a pastor and that you occasionally tell yours how much you appreciate her or him. Try it. It might make your pastor speechless. On the other hand, it could cause a twenty-minute response complete with a request for an offering, a closing hymn and a benediction.
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